"The Closed Town"
Everything leans, like tottering, hunched old women.
Every eye shines with fixed waiting
And for the word "When?"
Here there are few soldiers.
Only the shot-down birds tell of war.
You believe every bit of news you hear.
The buildings now are fuller,
Body smelling close to body,
And the Garrets scream with light for long, long hours.
This evening I walked along the street of death.
On one wagon, they were taking the dead away.
Why so many marches have been drummed here?
Why so many soldiers?
Then
A week after the end,
Everything will be empty here.
In the middle of the street will stand
An empty, dirty
Hearse.
Anonymous
I committed on my: Gabe, Christian , Jaclyn, Dylan, and Nathaly.
I like how you used the same section to show a contrasting hope and fear. Your grammar and quoting need a little bit of work, as both of those skills are necessary and simple. The fear of death is something I picked up on as well, and for the same reasons you did, so no complaints there. You do repeat the fact that it was a melancholy mood, and I don't know if that was to show just how gloomy the poem was, or just a mistake.
ReplyDeleteNice butterfly, Erik. The foggy effect you made on your project is quite creative. When you drew the 3rd dimensional town of the buildings leaning, it gave me a better visual of the poem. On the right side of the butterfly, I noticed you have drawn buildings being bunched together, in which refers to the stanza in the poem, "The buildings now are fuller, body smelling close to body...". That part of the poem is well appreciated. In conclusion, great job. As a side note, I think you should have added much more visuals than this.
ReplyDeleteGreat work, Erik. I really enjoyed how you draw the buildings in 3 dimensional shape and help give an idea of how there is an endless row of closed building. Like in a ghetto. It was also cool that you used soap to create the smoke effect. Who ever thought someone would use soap on a butterfly. One suggestion that have is that you should add more color to your butterfly so the reader could have a better understanding.
ReplyDeleteVery detailed! Your imagery shown on your butterfly were outstanding! You organized your comparisons in a neat way, you explained what was in the right and left wing. They were two different interpretations on why you decided to put the features on your butterfly. I also have a question, did you decide to keep the background white for a purpose?
ReplyDeleteIn your poem, you are to have at least 14 tags and I only counted 13, was there one missing or not included? A suggestion that I would like for you to consider, is to never start with a conjunction at the beginning of the sentence. It becomes a sentence fragment. You must know when to end a sentence or include commas into your sentences to not run on.
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ReplyDeleteI like what you put into your butterfly such as using 3-dimensional figures for the left side of your butterfly as it helped visualize the abandoned town. However, there are some flaws that you should fix. On the right side of the butterfly, you placed a blue tag showing a picture of the ghetto. It's a interesting photo but you should an explanation about why you placed it there. Once again on the right side of the butterfly, you created a black tag that talks about the smoke. In the tag it's almost difficult to read it as some words don't connect well with the proceeding word. You also have repetition in that tag. Other than that, I think your butterfly is great.
ReplyDeleteYour butterfly is good, the explanation you give towards the different parts of your butterfly. The homes that are in the middle of transportation of dead bodies stands out to me, the smoke is going through the the smoke shows the fires smoke where it's going. Overall you did a good job, they're a few mistakes but they're small. Such as grammar mistakes. You did a good job, fix the errors but it's still good.
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